Even the Champ Is N HaNdcuffs

deer woRld,

WoRld, do you hate bad endings.

No...well your in luck, cause I do.

You won't believe the sheer bafoonery that happened on once again... on another rainy afternoon.

I really am starting to believe the weather around here corrresponds with my mood cause for the past few days, I been down like duck feathers(shout out to Lupe)and the weather seems to feel the same way too.

Anyway, so like I was saying.

Met a new friend...female. Don't worry, Swifty thought I was gonna fall for this one like Fresh...Ha Ha(shots fired)

Anyways, so I met her, her moms, and her brother. All in the same day...right. But it was something different about this kid. We ended up talking for about 3 hours. Good people are hard to come by.

The only problem with this is that this chick is suppose to be moving within the next couple of daze(son of a b...nevermind) Now mind you, she gave me an invitation to one of her art shows this past weekend(which I couldn't attend to lack of transportation)

So today, her and her fam was finishing packing up, and I got a wiff of 3 things that happened:

1) Usually the always gracious young female usually greets me with a wave or a what's up....that didn't happen.

2) As I was walking towards the apartment door(the same one they were walking into) this chick closed the door behind her and her bro....word?. Mind you, I know they saw me....I was at least 5 feet behind them when they went into the apartment.

3) As I struggled to find the key to get inside the very apartment I live in, I looked up through the crest of the brim of my hat and notice her and her bro playing a game of "Swap the Saliva." At this moment to things came to mind.

-"talk about family relations"

and

-"What a minute!!!!!"

Apparently they weren't brother and sister.

After the long week of being sort of depressed that I didn't say goodbye to a female that had the potential...and I do mean potential to met up further down the line if our paths cross again, and be a real cool piece of arm candy. All those thoughts were blown to chunks.

It wasn't that she had a dude...but the way shiz played out. Kind of like Lebron in Game 5 against the Celtics. You knew something else was behind his lackluster efforts. The slamming of the door right in front of me; when almost everyday, open the door for her and her moms all the time. The little making-out session right before her man took a break and decided to let me in. I got the message...and even though I kind of live by these words of the great Wiz Khalifa "I don't love em, I don't chase em, I duck em"

I kinda felt; during the akward conversation I had with them, that I was a little bit wounded.

It sucks...it really does....I got the message.

Back to square one...back to the world I so claim as one day to be our very own...
the world away great.

damn,
R(dot)

No Comment

deer woRld,

Can't stand them...emotion never gets you anywhere. How can it get the best of someone if all you see is their worst.

I'm gonna keep this short and to the point....

We are going for it all...everything.

sleepless summers, and heaven's clouds are slowly but surely rushing in. Like its on some Julius Peppers shiz. I feel it. But while these days are numbered like bar codes.

We only got one way to explode.

Cheers to the Love-less walks of live in Loveland.

Cheers to the refined years of friendship, hate, women and most importantly...
You.

We may never meet again...And thats cool. If you think about it, your going to meet everybody for the last time eventually. So don't worry, if you don't see me, I will probably see you...out there...somewhere.

Play me off Fresh,
R(dot)Escobar

Mechanical Movement

deer woRld,

when I say this, I mean it. I have literally been blasting Illmatic for the past 5 days straight. And when I say straight, I mean like no breaks in between. No breaks, none of that. I think I memorized the lyrics to the entire album.

Dang that was a great tape. I mean, at age 19-20; the narration, the potency of the surrounding and environment Nas was living in at the time, and the very descriptive words upon words revealing each moment is ridiculous...

Back to my life...

I hate bad endings....I really do.

I got nothing else to say rather than I can't wait to get out of here...I told Fresh over the phone this evening that when we get out here, There can't be any looking back. Don't get attached. If people die, they die(wow, did I really say that) Understand, we've been on the bench all our lives...except for Dumarz. We figure that if our time do come. We try to dismantle absolutely everything. I realized the other day that this is bigger than me, Fresh, Swifty, Dumarz....shoot we are risking our lives for this. I know most of y'all is asking "what the hell is kid talking about?" Don't worry, you won't be in the dark for long....I promise.


I found out today that if I graduate this college shiz....I will be the first to make it. On my moms side that is. But still, even though that might not happen.
Being the first billionaire doesn't sound to bad either. I don't care to much for the cash, but if that will shut up those who keep talking, down playing every little decision I make or idea. Money is gonna be in the gameplan for awhile.

Any who...the countdown out of this peace is almost over....

Ghost,
R*(dot)Escobar

And Now, for My Last Hit

deer world,

man...we are in a hole.

My homie Fresh mentioned something about how the human body is a trap....how we really are built for the experience rather than the actual "lives" we claim we are living.

"We aren't living it, for it is living us....WHERE'S THE FOUL???" Say my mello Fresh during the Celtics/Cavs game.

Maybe he's right...I mean, don't get me wrong, but we are all going to get torn apart during our tenure here on this planet.

We are all going to meet people for the first time, and we are going to meet them for the last time. So why not just enjoy the scenery or the moments you have now. I've been living a victory lap for the past 19years. Even though you know victory is in site...you still have to run in order to call it or consider it a lap.

Victory is always in our hands...always.

You just have to run to get there....so enjoy the experience...

Shoot, I've just met this really cool chick who lives here by ways of California, and we talked it up for a good 2 hours. As we were talkin...In my mind I'm like "yeah! I got a friend now." The moment that thought hit my membrane, she hit me with the news that she and her family is moving within the next week.

Yeah it hurt, but you really have to enjoy each and every second you have on this thing....

Keep static like wool fabric,
R(dot)Escobar

What Is it really all about?

deer woRld,

Now put that on your brainy brain

deer woRld,

friend or foe, we might not live to see the next few years on some of the stuff we coming up with. I had a talk with Swifty today, and the one thing I told him was

"These next years of schooling isn't gonna be important...but while your are there. Stick close to history. That girl may not be as attractive, but she will get you places..."

I had to break it down to him as simple as I can...women.

History is something I take hella pride in. The only time a "repeat" is a good thing is when a team goes on a championship run....but never history.

I know I got a lot of balls to be saying stuff like this at such a young age, but understand....I've seen the fall of great people. I know some of y'all is saying...

"Well if they were so great, why did they fall R(dot)?"

Let me set the table straight...good people don't quit, but when the world around them does...its more like a prolonged pause than it is quitting...get me?

I choose the shoes of being irregular than anything else. My footsteps shall expose those who say live life like this....live life like that....

....its bull. So whenever someone tells you that...shut it down.

Everybody thinks they got this life thing solved when you only lived it once...

Y'all can't even find the cure for a common cold, and y'all spending all this money on cancer?

Appreciate and never radiate the little things in life...never.
So yeah, while everybody is flippin out how we are gonna die and the world is gonna end....

I'm just gonna chill, enjoy each and every living moment I have on this thing...and work my tail off....til then, I laugh in yo face!

Faith&Slang,
R(dot)Escobar

The Crowd is Talkin?

deer woRld,

the heat is under the baby seat..and I mean heat. The crackdown to scare the kids is fine. But don't bring me into this bull.

Sorry...

These kids just keep pushing the button til that one kid squeals, and then BOOM.

EVERYBODY AND I DO MEAN EVERYBODY IS SCREWED...no chopped(you see what I did there)

I mean really, I'm not the best example of "You need to quit while your ahead" but dang, to risk being kicked out of the only hospitatlity that's providing a roof over your head just for some play is...well...it's kind of dumb.

I once heard that your conscience is the closest thing to heaven a man can have. I take pride in that. Absent minded doesn't show up on some grade card, absent minded could be the difference between you being tardy for some tickets to see...ummmm....my mello Freshon Malore, and getting a FEDS sponsored vacation to scrub showers and suck....nevermind.

Just think about it people....like no one else can

man what a job,
R(dot)

theSickneSSiCallLife

deer woRld,
well, me and the boys are at it. Today marks the semi-start of the album. Yep, pretty big day depending on who you are. I mean, we could of had a huge terrorist attack in New York, but we got rain instead. I mean really, today really could of been a...blast.

Anyways, so like I was sayin...no important message here....oh yeah, I do have an Important message..

Close....

There are few things in life where being close is a good thing....

For instance, family, horseshoes, or even death.

But as far as relationships...NO.

And I mean any relationship...friends, family, work....even girlfriends and boyfriends,,,,I don't have a boyfriend, I love women.

I know I've said this before but...

"THE FRIEND ZONE IS A NO ZONE"

AND I'M SERIOUS NIGGA....

gone,
R(dot)Escobar

Look Up....you see that?

deer woRld,
Awhile back; around this exact moment in time, my homie Fresh was working on what could possibly be the greatest pick-up in his current lifetime...a trip to prom with a specific cutie he had his eyes on for the past year.

"Either ask or don't ask. I could either live forever, not knowing whether or not she will say yes, or just ask and live with the consequences," says my mello Malore.

The friend zone is the no zone....and I am so damn serious when I say that.

Even though the self-induced Kanye West line made its way into Malore way of asking this female to prom. The answer was never a "yes" or a "no." All it was, was 7 words and an incomplete heart on the back of a Kodak.

IDK if that(the heart) was accidential or on purpose, but I applaud her...excuse me....WE applaud her.

Getting caught up in this so called "rap shhhh" just to have her. Forget the world. He just wants her. Everytime we in the studio, I usually study Fresh's and Swifty's mannerisms. We all have our different motives....

Swifty wants to be famous, and in his words, "Get all the moneys and bitches..."

DuMarz loves his women, but Fresh...Fresh is on some other stuff.

The anger in his rhymes, even the happy times are pained from the emptiness(if thats a word) of not being able to have her...ever. Fresh says by the time we reach the position we need to be, she will already be gone...not physically or mentally, but she isn't gonna be the same chick from moments past...I can't explain it, but thats what he says. Its all for her. He never mentions her name, never shows any pictures. He will tell you some tales of past memories of her if you ask. But other than that, you can see she is the only reason he is doing any of this. I mean sure, there are many people we feel the need to prove wrong, but for Fresh; she is the reason. When I find a picture or her name, I will definitely leak it to y'all.

peace,
R(dot)